Spoils

So Christmas was decidedly low-key this year for the 5th or so year in a row. It began a few days early when I made my first trip out to my mother's new house in the boonies. She didn't want to send me home from that visit empty-handed knowing we wouldn't be together again until post-xmas, so she bestowed a gift for Ray and I that had "something to do with technology." I didn't wait. And upon my arrival home Ray and I unpacked this:
You might not notice the "technology" part. This..contraption has a solar panel enabling it to actually light up in three spots for apporximately 1.2 hours after the sun goes down.
I knew we were off to a good start.

Christmas proper took place at my great aunt's house. Why some relative, any relative didn't say something to the effect of 'hey, maybe we shouldn't have the spacey 80-something year old prepare dinner for the masses,' is a mystery to me. Tradition I suppose. But come on. There were only 6 of us so it could have been almost do-able, but really, it was too much. My great aunt's answer was to buy everything pre-made. goo! You can't do much to mess up the spiral cut ham. That was lovely. You don't think you can do much to mess up the microwaveable rice, broccoli, and sweet potatoes, but you can. By putting them all in the microwave at once and declaring that "we'll just have to guesstimate," rather than nuking one at a time for the never-fail/recommended amount of time. So the meal was made with love and that's all that matters I suppose. Wine was had, company was enjoyed, what more could you ask for? Presents of course! And Daddy outdid himself by presenting me with a check worth way more than I am...but he always was a spoiler.

I'd made out like a bandit and decided to use my new-found wealth to buy all the post-xmas presents I should've bought pre-xmas. In part this involved purchasing my brother this (which also, hi, wasn't that reduced at purchase time).

Christmas part deux took place last night. It started off with my mother gifting my bro-ham something that looked alot like this. Stellar! But it went all up-hill from there. My brother got me these which make me almost want to get up to go to the gym in AM. Honestly, they are so superior to any other earphones I've ever heard. So pleasant this morning.

Mom certainly didn't let down either. She provided some of the Lee xmas staples...
(Some people might think my need for chocolate is a bit 'overboard,' but hi, I was raised this way. It's in my blood. The yearly chocolate letter is just the start. Yeah, yeah I had Nutella too, but did your mother encourage you to eat chocolate sprinkles on toast in the morning? How bout chocolate shavings? No, I didn't think so. I've toned it down if anything.)

More practical, less-fattening gifts too. Check this out, this may just be one of the best presents my mom has ever picked out guidance-free.
Admittedly, Holmes made out better than anyone with this thing, courtesy of Adam.

He removed this guy
in about 3.6 hours. But at least it lasted that long.


Lest you think I am a good-for-nothing spoiled brat. I am I am! But also....

I left out the first part about my trip to my mom's. Out in the boonies, remember? I was cruising along getting to know the Black Sheep Boy Appendix, in an attempt to thwart? further? my current, unhealthy obsession with Black Sheep Boy. So maybe I was speeding, but definitely not more than 10 miles over in a 55 mph zone. I was behind 2 other cars when I saw the brake lights go on on the car in front of me. I figured she was slowing for the first car to turn so I slowed, figuring I could speed up again soon. But no. By the time I realized she was stopped dead in the road, it was too late and we hit. It was cow. A fucking cow. I saw him. I hate him. Her car looked fine and mine looked so...sad. But all she could talk about was the damn cow that she didn't even hit. So for xmas I got myself this
A prize worth an estimated $2775. There goes dads generosity and why did I buy all those over-priced presents for people? But yes I've got insurance, and yes it'll be ok, and yes it did remind me of what I should actually be thankful for.