Shhh.

Were I to inexplicably begin blogging again today, this random Wednesday in December, rather than say, the logical choice of January 1st, I'm not sure what I would write about, and this, my friend, has been the lame lame reason for my absence these many weeks.

I could tell you that I just signed on for the first time in ages and switched to some newer! better! version of Blogger, even though I have no idea what the difference is.
I could tell you that other than this unnoticeable formatting alternation, nothing much has changed with me lately. Same job, same friends, same tendency to go to bed before 10:15 every night and same ability to be surprisingly okay with this and the lack of interesting blog fodder it brings.

But you wouldn't want to read about that would you?

Or I could be a little more specific and say that I psyched myself on that whole 'life' thing and somehow this paralyzed me and kept me from telling you anything at all. I could explain how I got all wrapped up in this idea of writing for real, for people--well not directly, I don't want to write necessarily, but I have narrowed my ideal career down to something word-related. And making that minor, minor decision threw me in to a bit of tizzy what with that whole overwhelming sense of self-doubt we women often seem so predisposed to. Because if I write anything, anything at all, I'll judge it, you'll judge it, and what if someone down the line judges it? And what if we all hate it? And what if I somehow allow your/my/our poor opinion of it to ingrain itself in this pretty little head? And what if I then let this eat away at my confidence night by night (but only before 10:15) until I have totally, unreasonably convinced myself that I am wholly incapable of ever doing anything word-related ever. Better to just stop with the word use than risk it, huh?

And I don't pine for the blog, or at least I don't allow myself time to pine for the blog (instead opting to fill my evenings with Top Chef and Dr. 90210...and sometimes a good book) but I do think its a good exercise. Particularly if I ever want to get this word-related dream job I have so precisely picked out.

So if I were to start writing here again I would try and quietly pick it back up. And I'd promise not to beat myself up for not posting if I get busy, or the boyfriend visits, or I decide to embark on the marathon that will be watching season two of Lost. I would also resolve to: make an effort to write here frequently and more openly, enjoy writing here in that manner, hit 'publish' already and get over it (and assume you will too) when I end a sentence with a preposition or begin with a conjunction, and never again write another post in a ridiculous, hypothetical manner such as this..