Two Posts, One Day!

Isn’t it always the case that you never do anything productive when you have the time, meaning when you do have something imperative to attend to it’s all you can do to find one free minute in which to cram in all your work. Tonight, rather than bettering myself in any way shape or form I’ve wasted almost all the evening

1. Surfing lame internet sites that have nothing new or interesting to say because, hi, why is no one posting anything whatsoever—the holiday isn’t til tomorrow, entertain me now
2. Uploading CDs I never really liked in the first place and probably will never listen to again to my iTunes (how many albums does Oasis have? This one is not the one with hits and thus it is, for all intents and purposes, dead to me. But maybe?…someday?, I’ll be totally dying to listen to it. P.S. for real, is Oasis still a band?)
3. Making an ice cream cake in what has somehow become a yearly ritual that I’ve felt compelled to undertake every July 4th for the past 3 years.

Two years ago I did the classic American flag-decorated cake made with blueberries, strawberries, Coolwhip (blech! what was I thinking?) and all that nonsense which, quite honestly, looked awesome. I’m told it tasted alright too, although in my humble opinion I made a fundamental error when I didn’t include at least three kinds of chocolate in that one (really it should’ve been more like 5—to offset the nutrition from the berries and all). Unfortunately, due to the combined effects of partying in the middle of nowhere, some psychedelics, and one special friend who decided to freak the fuck out forever and ever I missed all of said cake and will have to make due with the memory of a bunch of drunkards I’d never met telling me it was “like, totally awesome.”

Last year, I, with a little brainstorming help, came up with idea of decorating the ice cream cake with the Iraqi flag. We’d been over there almost a year and half at that point and most everyone I know was already convinced of what a total debacle it was. I figured I’d be the star of the party by presenting this delicious, yet ironic frozen delight that would provoke both laughter and contemplation.

Alas, much like the invasion itself, the cake was doomed from the start. Giving myself less than 4 hours within which to create this masterpiece meant the work of art I had envisioned, when fully realized, amounted to little more than a shapeless blob of ice cream atop sodden pound cake that even to me, dessert consumer extraordinaire, looked inedible (ok, ok I may have tried a tiny bite, maybe). Last time I checked it still continued to reside, in hardened, freezer-burned form, in Adam’s ice box, although his recent relocation means it must have met an alternative ultimate end (I hope). If not for his move we could have symbolically pulled it out too if the government ever goes through with that suggestion.

This year though, I’ve set myself up for success. Over two days I will craft the ultimate ice cream cake featuring a home made cake base, what I’m told is going to substitute perfectly for those delicious Carvel crunchy things, and 4 different chocolate ingredients as well as coffee and mint. I will arrive to the party tomorrow victorious and play the belle of the ball for the evening as I am commended again and again for my over the top efforts.

My only hesitation came in driving back from the store when I wondered how I should decorate the thing. I’d decided the old stand by American flag theme was a little too middle aged stay at home mom-ish and I needed something fresher and edgier, yet still apt for July 4th. With limited decorating supplies and despite the fact that I fell asleep when we rented “Team America: World Police,” I settled on “America, fuck yeah!” After relaying my plans to Ray, however, he had a much better idea: “America: Fuck. Yeah.”

Pictures of said piece de resistance to follow (unless of course it winds up being an utter failure, in which case, fuck off, I’m busy eating leftover ice cream).